michele Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Oh my god lol. I am so badly lost I don't know who's gone to London :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
josie gibblebucket Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Arriving in London, it seemed the streets were paved with gold - or did FG have a hole in his wallet :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Syd Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Alas no, twas only fools gold Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Horace the Travel home heading South was at warp factor 10..... I thay Twoy this is exciting full speed and no twaffic.............Troy the wonder dog sitting in the co'pilots seat, looked at Pelmetman in his superhero costume, glanced in the rear view mirror at the miles of traffic behind......rolled his eyes *-) .....had a quick dick lick and settled down to sleep. Meanwhile.......... Arkroyd Pothelwaite pulled up his masters gleaming Hobby outside "Knobs of Mayfair" the most exclusive club in London.................to be a member of "Knobs" you had to be of superior education, well wadded up or of blue blood. Sir Francis alighted from his carriage dressed in his finery with top hat and jewel encrusted cane......... mounted the steps to the grand entrance, just as William Hague exited Knobs..........William dear boy, how the devil are ye?..... exclaimed Sir Francis........Why Sir Francis this is a pleasure, are you in town long?..........Although well versed in the art of nitworking, Sir Francis could be affable pleasant even civil when required...............Yet there was something approaching affection for his former fag as they embraced. We must meet up soon Sir Francis, but for now I must dash to the "House"............. have to get my expenses form in ;-).............Of course dear boy........I have some business to attend to and will be staying at the club....they parted and Sir Francis entered the grand portico and in a almost civil mood greeted 1 Foot the head door man....................Is Sir Robin of Loxley here?......... Yes Sir Francis and Lord Kirbyman.....said 1 Foot Good good they'l be in the members library I presume? Yes Sir Francis.........and And?.........Sir Frances repeated with a querulous stare Lord Brakewynde sir........said 1 Foot Aaaaah..........pulling his scented lace handkerchief from his cuff he strode off towards the members library. The members library at Knobs was where members usually hung out together............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Syd Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Pelmetman Just what planet are you on. :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
josie gibblebucket Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 pelmetman - 2012-02-24 8:59 AM Aaaaah..........pulling his scented lace handkerchief from his cuff he strode off towards the members library. The members library at Knobs was where members usually hung out together............... As they all stood around hobnobbing with each other an alarm went off, was it a burglar alarm? no, a smoke alarm? no, it was a warning that an MP who is rather handy with his fists was on the way in, with lots of posh blokes in his sights..................... :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Syd - 2012-02-24 9:05 AM Pelmetman Just what planet are you on. :D :D A bit like Joise................my mind is a place where normal life can not exist Syd ;-)............. (lol) (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Syd Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Pelmetman Why do I find it so easy to believe you :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Syd Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 josie gibblebucket - 2012-02-24 9:40 As they all stood around hobnobbing with each other an alarm went off, was it a burglar alarm? no, a smoke alarm? no, it was a warning that an MP who is rather handy with his fists was on the way in, with lots of posh blokes in his sights..................... :-) Then things took a turn for the worse as John Prescott walked in, that is killer Prescott the "swinger" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Syd - 2012-02-25 11:48 PM Then things took a turn for the worse as John Prescott walked in, that is killer Prescott the "swinger" Thanks Syd *-)...................I've got this orrible vision of Prescott as a swinger 8-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
josie gibblebucket Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 sorry - I got that bit wrong. I was trying to have a pop at the MP who had been in the news recently, but he was a headbutter of posh people, not a puncher :$ I was also trying to tease pelmetman about talking posh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowtelse2do Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 What I'd like to know is, who paid pelmetman's congestion charge for his 20 odd year old van. It wouldn't have been him :D :D Unless Sir F..F....F......F Oh dear..!! can't bring myself to say it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowtelse2do Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Fear not, a Knight of the Road came to pelmetman's rescue and paid the £100 a day fee with his scrap metal weighing in surplus. That was a good ploy by KOTR because he knew pelmetman would not pay to get back out of London. So he would have to stay there forever, to the relief of all the merry-men dressed in Lincoln Green. His case is tomorrow and he will be up before that notorious legal beak, The hanging Judge 'Judgemental' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Pelmetman whose congestion charge had been paid by fellow Super Hero "Knight of the Road", finally arrived at the address on the letter..........A East end pub curiously named after a Somerset chicken casserole........................ "The Cock in Cider................ Pelmetman entered the pub and minced purposely up to the bar, and addressed the landlord Dave............ A Lancashire Cockney ;-) I thay wandword do you wecognise this wetter?................. Eh?..............(thinking quickly).............say W.......... replied Dave Wubbleyou?.........................are you waking the wiss out of my wisp wandword.......said Pelmetman frowning Oh no............said Dave suppressing a chuckle........and looking at the blood stained letter.......Aye Pelmetman I know who sent it................... How did you wecognise me wandword?................well said Dave.... the lady who sent your letter gave me your description.........day glow cape, pink tights and T shirt emblazoned with a diamante "P", along with wearing Y fronts on the outside gave me a clue...........and the pink fluffy slippers was the clincher ;-)..............The lady had to rush back to Wales, but she left you this................................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowtelse2do Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 ..........a leek...................a pan of boiling water...................and a rooster :-S She said you had forgot your lunch......and you could now make yourself some cock-a-leeky soup, then she turned around and as she were leaving she said....."Dia" (thats me Dave)...... "Dia" she said......."if that's to difficult for him, tell him to pluck the rooster 8-) and *ook that. I shouted to her, "FAIR MAID, WHAT IS YOUR NAME".........she shouted back in her genital Welsh voice, "DONNA TAFFYKERBAB......... I'M ONLY THE MILLERS DAUGHTER"..........But by hell ................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 nowtelse2do - 2012-02-26 9:59 PM ..........a leek...................a pan of boiling water...................and a rooster :-S She said you had forgot your lunch......and you could now make yourself some cock-a-leeky soup, then she turned around and as she were leaving she said....."Dia" (thats me Dave)...... "Dia" she said......."if that's to difficult for him, tell him to pluck the rooster 8-) and *ook that. I shouted to her, "FAIR MAID, WHAT IS YOUR NAME".........she shouted back in her genital Welsh voice, "DONNA TAFFYKERBAB......... I'M ONLY THE MILLERS DAUGHTER"..........But by hell ................ She didn't aught'er......................... talk like that 8-)........................It ain't genteel to tell someone they have a "Genital" voice Dia..................... (lol) (lol) (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowtelse2do Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 .............I didn't know that *-)....She had a lovely voice, She said she sung in her local ladies queer.........the Pouffett's, Very posh speaker..........she had class............I think it was a HGV 1....... Well, Linkup Dia, you little imp........back to the story............which was....!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 nowtelse2do - 2012-02-26 11:41 PM back to the story............which was....!!!!!! Oh yeah...............the story :D Clutching his scented hanky to his nose......Sir Francis entered the members library to find his fellow knobs............ Lord Kirbyman and Sir Robin were by an open window, trying to avoid the crossfire between Lord Brakewynde and his cousin General Trumper who liked to communicate using a very unorthodox form of Morse code. Sir Francis attracted there attention and indicated that they should follow him, a suggestion they gratefully accepted...............They entered Sir Francis private rooms which he maintained at the club...... Please make yourselves comfortable gentlemen..........thank you for coming.......I....I....have a bit of a problem......said Sir Francis passing the letter across A shocked Sir Robin having read the letter passed it to Lord Kirbyman who had a similar reaction 8-)....................I say dear chap.....started Sir Robin.....this does complicate things somewhat......... I thought when you contacted us it was about your election to the committee.............something Lord Kirbyman and I can say is on course for success........ changing the subject to allow the letters full implications to sink in................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowtelse2do Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 pelmetman - 2012-02-27 9:01 AM Lord Kirbyman and I can say is on course for success........ changing the subject to allow the letters full implications to sink in................. The letter was in some form of code........apparently it had been given to Donna Taffykerbab with instructions to make sure it was relayed to Lord Kirbyman...........the only person who was able to decipher it. "Ye Gods..!!" shouted Lord Kirbyman.........this blood stained lettuce is from Michele (with one l)............She must be in some kind of peril chaps. ( It must be stated at this stage that Lord Kirbyman and Michele with one l were very old and close friends ;-) )............"What does it say"....asked Sir Robin........"I don't know" Lord Kirbyman replied.........."everything Michele says, takes two days to decipher"...........(An explanation is needed here for our new members). Micheie is an Essex girl with a Georgie accent. Lord Kirbyman with his head bowed spoke very slowly, " Genitalmen......I need to retire to my new bungalow in the country that I recently constructed with my own hands........It has three bedrooms, two toilets, one upstairs 8-) and one outside, a lovely little workshop where I can invent things"..........Lord Kirbyman looks up from the lettuce to find that all the genitalmen had fallen asleep.........he thinks to himself......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 nowtelse2do - 2012-02-27 4:39 PM .Lord Kirbyman looks up from the lettuce to find that all the genitalmen had fallen asleep.........he thinks to himself......... I quite fancy that Geordie/ Essex bird >:-)........................a nice bit of rough will make a change from all the posh totty....................but I will need something to entice her?................. To many Lord Kirbyman appears to one and all as the soul of discretion..........indeed a kindly bishop would be a apt description ............. But he has a sinister side................hence his association with Sir Francis......... in his chest beats the heart of thorough going rake, a seducer of women who fall under the spell of his kindly bishop facade........until too late 8-) 8-) In a flash of inspiration born out of long practice ;-) ........................I know some white stiletto's and a pint of heavy >:-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 The note and lunch from Donna puzzled Pelmetman intensely...............he new very little about his early life.......apart from being abandoned outside Battersea dogs home as a baby......and found by a family of feral hairdressers, his early life had been a marked by constant bitching of his adopted siblings........which led him eventually to run away to sea................where he was taught how to splice the main brace and be nautical by an ancient mariner. Dave the Lancashire cockney landlord broke into his thoughts..............Donna said you should also seek out Inspector Manhole of the "Yard"................as he has important information for you Pelmetman ;-) Well wank you wery wuch wandword.......Twoy Twoy leave thwat witch awone..........Troy the wonder dog still has the urge although his assets where removed by Labrador rescue 8-)................ Pelmetman grabbed Troy and headed towards the Yard in Horace determined to poke inspector Manhole for information..................................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowtelse2do Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 pelmetman - 2012-02-27 5:15 Pm In a flash of inspiration born out of long practice ;-) ........................I know some white stiletto's and a pint of heavy >:-) The white stiletto's for me B-) ...........the pint of heavy for Michele ;-) ........He slipped quietly out of the room but left a note on the table, which read. Meet again here in two day's time. Lord breakenwynd slowly opened his one eye, and whispered........"has the silly old b*gger gone"......."yes" ....said Sir Francis who had now arisen and positioned himself behind Lord Breakenwynd 8-) .....he pulled out his best 4ply kleenx and started to polish the large bald patch on Lord Brakenwynd's head.........and said..........."mirror mirror on the....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowtelse2do Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 WAIT TWILL I'VE WHAD MY BL**DY TWEA WILL WOU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 nowtelse2do - 2012-02-27 7:12 PM and positioned himself behind Lord Breakenwynd 8-) .....he pulled out his best 4ply kleenx and started to polish the large bald patch on Lord Brakenwynd's head.........and said..........."mirror mirror on the....... Wall................................ is this the safest place to be?....................... 8-) But then Sir Francis remembered the secret with gas....... no naked lights............or sudden sparks............so shuffled away slowly............in case his crimplene jim jams caused a spark 8-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 nowtelse2do - 2012-02-27 7:15 PM WAIT TWILL I'VE WHAD MY BL**DY TWEA WILL WOU. Oooop's ............worry I was on a... Woll.................. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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