malc d Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 donna miller - 2012-03-19 10:40 AM Dave, You need therapy. :D :D I was thinking that too. But maybe it was his therapist who suggested he join the forum ? ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robinhood Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 ....I just thought they must be selling Good Sh1t in Lincolnshire. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna miller Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Robinhood - 2012-03-19 11:26 AM ....I just thought they must be selling Good Sh1t in Lincolnshire. ;-) Or worse still, bad sh1t 8-) I am particularly worried about either being the spawn of FG or having had carnal relation with him, I can't quite work it out, (come to think of it, I don't think I want to work it out) :-S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Robinhood - 2012-03-19 11:26 AM ....I just thought they must be selling Good Sh1t in Lincolnshire. ;-) I've got some dog sh1t for sale........already bagged ;-) ............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robinhood Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 pelmetman - 2012-03-19 6:07 PM Robinhood - 2012-03-19 11:26 AM ....I just thought they must be selling Good Sh1t in Lincolnshire. ;-) I've got some dog sh1t for sale........already bagged ;-) ............. .....a word to the wise; Don't try smoking it. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 malc d - 2012-03-19 11:04 AM donna miller - 2012-03-19 10:40 AM Dave, You need therapy. :D :D I was thinking that too. But maybe it was his therapist who suggested he join the forum ? ;-) People on here appreciate a nice bit of farce Malc :D............. You've only got read the dog thread to see that (lol) (lol) (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Robinhood - 2012-03-19 6:08 PM pelmetman - 2012-03-19 6:07 PM Robinhood - 2012-03-19 11:26 AM ....I just thought they must be selling Good Sh1t in Lincolnshire. ;-) I've got some dog sh1t for sale........already bagged ;-) ............. .....a word to the wise; Don't try smoking it. ;-) I'm not that daft Robin *-)................everyone knows you snort good sh1t (lol) (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robinhood Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 pelmetman - 2012-03-19 6:13 PM Robinhood - 2012-03-19 6:08 PM pelmetman - 2012-03-19 6:07 PM Robinhood - 2012-03-19 11:26 AM ....I just thought they must be selling Good Sh1t in Lincolnshire. ;-) I've got some dog sh1t for sale........already bagged ;-) ............. .....a word to the wise; Don't try smoking it. ;-) I'm not that daft Robin *-)................everyone knows you snort good sh1t (lol) (lol) .....well, if you wish!; but frankly, I'd strongly advise you not to do that with it either! ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Robinhood - 2012-03-19 6:17 PM pelmetman - 2012-03-19 6:13 PM Robinhood - 2012-03-19 6:08 PM pelmetman - 2012-03-19 6:07 PM Robinhood - 2012-03-19 11:26 AM ....I just thought they must be selling Good Sh1t in Lincolnshire. ;-) I've got some dog sh1t for sale........already bagged ;-) ............. .....a word to the wise; Don't try smoking it. ;-) I'm not that daft Robin *-)................everyone knows you snort good sh1t (lol) (lol) .....well, if you wish!; but frankly, I'd strongly advise you not to do that with it either! ;-) To late... 8-)................. My teachers always said I had sh1t for brains :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowtelse2do Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 pelmetman - 2012-03-19 6:34 PM My teachers always said I had sh1t for brains :D That explains everything :-D It's all coming out now8-) Hope you have a poo bag. :D :D Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 donna miller - 2012-03-19 12:30 PM I am particularly worried about either being the spawn of FG or having had carnal relation with him, I can't quite work it out, (come to think of it, I don't think I want to work it out) :-S >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) Chapter Four Donna had been forced to return to Wales due to a crisis in the family kebab empire.................but she new her quest to find her twins was nearing an end...... The memories of all those years ago had never left her.......the dark night tending her sheep.......the strange noise .......then the loud Baaaaaaaaa of a sheep in pain......... being confronted by a schoolboy toff completely disorientated the lovely Donna............suddenly the blow to her head with a fancy knob....... waking up knowing something terrible had happened 8-).............next to her she found a jewel encrusted knob that had snapped off the stick that had hit her. She staggered home in the morning........where her father straight away realised what had happened to his daughter from her disheveled appearance...........and new exactly where to look for the cad.........as the village had been terrorised by the annual school visit for years.........he grabbed his favorite kebab knife and left........ 8-) When things started to become apparent, Donna was sent away..... as they did in those days to a convent on the outskirts of London where she gave birth to the twins and was only allowed to hold them the once :'(..............before the nun's took them away........and their image was for ever implanted in her memory..........one delightful charming cherub of a child.....and the other.....one that only a mother could love.......the gormless look.......obviously the runt of the litter.... The nun's took one look at the two of them, and one was passed onto the holy fathers who had a lucrative side line in child trafficking, and the other dumped outside the dogs home 8-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 OMG what are you on .......Brilliant :D :D :D :D :D :D ROTFLMAO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 michele - 2012-03-20 9:15 PM OMG what are you on .......Brilliant :D :D :D :D :D :D ROTFLMAO Dog sh1t apparently :-S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 PMSL hope its the Turdish type Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 pelmetman - 2012-03-19 6:34 PM Robinhood - 2012-03-19 6:17 PM pelmetman - 2012-03-19 6:13 PM Robinhood - 2012-03-19 6:08 PM pelmetman - 2012-03-19 6:07 PM Robinhood - 2012-03-19 11:26 AM ....I just thought they must be selling Good Sh1t in Lincolnshire. ;-) I've got some dog sh1t for sale........already bagged ;-) ............. .....a word to the wise; Don't try smoking it. ;-) I'm not that daft Robin *-)................everyone knows you snort good sh1t (lol) (lol) .....well, if you wish!; but frankly, I'd strongly advise you not to do that with it either! ;-) To late... 8-)................. My teachers always said I had sh1t for brains :D You really ought to stop the 'brown nosing' though Dave! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Mel B - 2012-03-20 9:27 PM pelmetman - 2012-03-19 6:34 PM Robinhood - 2012-03-19 6:17 PM pelmetman - 2012-03-19 6:13 PM Robinhood - 2012-03-19 6:08 PM pelmetman - 2012-03-19 6:07 PM Robinhood - 2012-03-19 11:26 AM ....I just thought they must be selling Good Sh1t in Lincolnshire. ;-) I've got some dog sh1t for sale........already bagged ;-) ............. .....a word to the wise; Don't try smoking it. ;-) I'm not that daft Robin *-)................everyone knows you snort good sh1t (lol) (lol) .....well, if you wish!; but frankly, I'd strongly advise you not to do that with it either! ;-) To late... 8-)................. My teachers always said I had sh1t for brains :D You really ought to stop the 'brown nosing' though Dave! :D It's quality stuff though Mel ;-)..........have you seen how much they charge for a Troy ounce 8-) Although I keep polishing it.............it still smells of sh1t 8-) I think I might have another duff investment on my hands *-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 All these spats with FG , didnt you say you were good at polishing a turd :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Back to the story you started Michele.......:) The holy fathers had the perfect couple in mind for the perfect child.......... They were a transgender couple from Soho who had met at the hospital................It was love at first sight......and they agreed on everything he wanted to be she, and she wanted to be he, and when the clinical tests showed they were a perfect match for each other, they agreed to a mutual transplant......... Sometime after the extraordinary operation had been completed they realised that now that he was she and she was he............and they had all the right bits and pieces.......unfortunately they were no longer in the right order........so could longer produce a child in the usual manner :-( But Jeremy Nee Jessica had contacts down the pub.............and for a small fortune managed to contact the fathers for bast**ds.com......... and this was where Donna's other twin arrived.............into the bossom of a loving but confused family :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 Even in my darkest thought i could not l come up with anything . Jeez that s**t is good stuff :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malc d Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 michele - 2012-03-20 10:16 PM Even in my darkest thought i could not l come up with anything . Jeez that s**t is good stuff :D ........ makes you wonder what he's stuffin' those pouffes with. :-| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 malc d - 2012-03-20 10:24 PM michele - 2012-03-20 10:16 PM Even in my darkest thought i could not l come up with anything . Jeez that s**t is good stuff :D ........ makes you wonder what he's stuffin' those pouffes with. :-| I never touch those pouffes nowdays 8-)..............It's all lies............officer............ :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted March 22, 2012 Author Share Posted March 22, 2012 Officer do not believe him ..read the above he caused all that mayhem in his head :D :D so wonder whathe does for real :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Chapter five Dave the Lancashire Cockney landlord and Troy the wonder dog arrived at New Scotland yard..........As they went to enter, their way was blocked by a huge tattooed security guard..............due to an upsurge in violent gang crime in the capital, the police had hired private security guards to protect themselves from the juvenile thugs .......... No Dogs...... said the guard Why not?.... said Dave looking at the guards name tag........which read....”Hi I’m Colin from Symbol security, available for weddings, bar mitzvahs, Gypsy evictions a specialty, have a nice day” Elf and Safety.......said Colin. Elf and Safety?.....said Dave. Yeah.....if you try and bring that mutt in ere......it wont be good for your elf or safety..... said Colin with a menacing glare. Suddenly Colin felt a warm wet sensation on his leg, he looked down to see Troy cocking his leg on him.................You dirty little bast*rd!!.......shouted Colin and stepped back to give Troy a vicious kick.......unfortunately he stepped straight in to a turd that Troy had strategically placed, and went a*rse over tit knocking himself out as he hit the floor.... The old two, one, trick works every time..... said Troy to Dave with a wink.....as they entered reception....Don’t you mean one, two?.......said Dave........Nah....said Troy.....First you do a number 2 then follow up with a number one.... Yes?... said the desk Sargent..... We have come to see Inspector Manhole..... said Dave Is he expecting you?..........No..but it’s to do with..... Pelmetman......added Dave Eh?.........well if you’re anything to that nutter we have in the cell’s.....then good luck to you.....said the Sargent picking up the phone... Inspector Manhole showed Dave & Troy into his office and introduced PC Brigade his assistant.....I understand you have some information for me... said the inspector..... Well not quite.... a lady called Donna from Wales....stays at my pub when she is in town...but had to leave and sent someone to see you, but due to a misunderstanding he’s been locked up in your cells.... Locked up?....Do you mean Donna Miller the kebab heiress?......Well I guess you must be trust worthy if she stays at your public house, she is very particular and has been very helpful to us with regard to information about a certain gentleman, who is plotting to usurp the power of our elected government, and eventually dominate the world....this chap we have locked up is one of the twins I assume....... Twins inspector?..... Pelmetman is a twin!......said Dave Just my bleedin luck the Looney one!....said the inspector......oh well, against my better judgement we ought to let him out.....PC Brigade!....go and get him released please......... Yes there are two of em....continued Inspector Manhole... but fortunately only one Pelmetman......His twin Pouffeman is totally different.... handsome, intelligent, charming, urbane and a hit with the ladies of both sexes which is not surprising if you’d met his adoptive parents......but neither of them know that the other exists, as they were separated at birth, which is how I came to know the lovely Donna, she employed me to help track down her twins that had been taken from her......and spent much of her kebab fortune doing so.......but in the process we uncovered their fathers dastardly plot........ Who is their father?...... Sir Francis of Cheshire..........replied Inspector Manhole Geeeeeeez!!..... “THE”.... Sir Francis........you would never think it would you...............said Dave But we have a cunning plan.....Donna has been in touch with him demanding a suitable recompense, but we know what a dangerous man Sir Francis is, and are hoping to force him into making a mistake...... by offering the twins as a lure........ Donna wasn’t too happy about it to be sure.....but she knows whats at stake and allowing Sir Francis to take over the world would mean pedantry for all of us .......... 8-) 8-) 8-) 8-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 pelmetman - 2012-03-23 6:31 PM Suddenly Colin felt a warm wet sensation on his leg, he looked down to see Troy cocking his leg on him.................You dirty little bast*rd!!.......shouted Colin and stepped back to give Troy a vicious kick.......unfortunately he stepped straight in to a turd that Troy had strategically placed, and went a*rse over tit knocking himself out as he hit the floor.... The old two, one, trick works every time..... said Troy to Dave with a wink.....as they entered reception....Don’t you mean one, two?.......said Dave........Nah....said Troy.....First you do a number 2 then follow up with a number one.... Brilliant Dave ... I don't know where you get it from (and probably don't want to! 8-) ) but keep it coming - it is great!!! :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Mel B - 2012-03-23 9:17 PM Brilliant Dave ... I don't know where you get it from (and probably don't want to! 8-) ) but keep it coming - it is great!!! :-D Where do I get from Mel?.............MMMmmmm.......I wonder :D I used to be such a nice chap until I joined this forum 8-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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