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A Happy Christmas to One and All


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The Twelve Days of Christmas Turkey


On the first day of Christmas my true love said to me:

I`ve bought a big, fresh turkey and a proper Christmas tree.


On the second day of Christmas much laughter could be heard

as we tucked into our turkey- a most delicious bird.


On the third day of Christmas came the people from next door.

The turkey tasted just as good as it had done before.


On the fourth day of Christmas came relations, young and old.

We finished up the Christmas pud and had the turkey cold.


On the fifth day of Christmas, outside the snowflakes scurried

But we were nice warm inside – we had the turkey curried.


On the sixth day of Christmas, the Christmas spirit died

As the children fought and bickered – we had turkey rissoles fried.


On the seventh day of Christmas my true love he did wince

When he sat down at the table and was offered turkey mince.


On the eighth day of Christmas the dog had run for shelter

He`d seen our turkey pancakes and the glass of Alka Seltzer.


On the ninth day of Christmas by lunchtime Dad was blotto

He knew that bird was back again, this time as a risotto.


On the tenth day of Christmas we were drinking home-made brew

As if that wasn`t bad enough, we were eating turkey stew.


On the eleventh day of Christmas the Christmas tree was moulting.

With chilli, soy and oyster sauce the turkey was revolting.


On the twelfth day of Christmas we had smiles upon our lips.

The guests had gone, the turkey too – we dined on fish chips.


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Arthur Brown - 2015-12-18 8:56 PM


And a merry christmas to you

I normally have the curry on the third day. You must have a bit of a large bird to stretch so many days to a curry, or is it just me because I like curries.


Arthur Brown


That's no way to talk about Mrs Tracker-Shame on you!!


Merry Christmas All

Mike & Jackie xx

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laimeduck - 2015-12-18 11:26 PM


Meze starter then Roast Beef & Yorkshire pudding for us. Can't be doing with these tasteless, humungous, great big far eastern birds!


Sounds good, still like Turkey though


MAD, that's where your face is familiar, Brother used to read it in the 60's...


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Caddies104 - 2015-12-19 8:00 AM
laimeduck - 2015-12-18 11:26 PMMeze starter then Roast Beef & Yorkshire pudding for us. Can't be doing with these tasteless, humungous, great big far eastern birds!
Sounds good, still like Turkey thoughMAD, that's where your face is familiar, Brother used to read it in the 60's...

Alfred E Newman...at your service Sir!
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Hi Rich. And the same to you and everyone else....him included ;-) I do have to make this a positive post though, so please take note of the following, due to having to be PC. :-(





*These festive wishes are sent with no obligation, implied or implicit and carry no guarantee as to the outcome for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or your choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all...


...and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2016, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Britain great, (not to imply that Britain is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to your race, creed, colour, age, height, weight, physical ability, religious faith, sexual preferences, choice of computer platform or internet browser.


By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by me to actually implement any of the wishes for you or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at my sole discretion.


These wishes are warranted to perform as can reasonably be expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and this warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish whenever I feel like it.


Hope that's covered everything.


Dave *-)

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Antony - there are no miserable places only miserable people - unless you seen Grimsby or Fleetwood!


Dave - many thanks for sharing so much oval objectivity with us - t'would be even funnier if t'were not true!!


And finally - Mrs Tracker is much less of a plump bird than she once was - apparently the stress of being married to me has made her lose more than just her sanity!!


May the New Year bring you all everything you need if not quite everything you want!


As Michele would probably have said - keep taking the pills - which reminds me to pass on the best possible medical advice which is freely and clearly stated on every medication - keep away from children!

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Dave, you forgot the clause about having to conduct a risk analysis!

Christmas in this part of the world is all about the kids in the pool and seafood on the BBQ for lunch. Too hot for Yorkshire pud.
The ride on this forum has been almost as much fun as my AT Tracker.
2016 will I am sure be even better. Compliments of the season to one & all.
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Tony Jones - 2015-12-19 9:09 PM
laimeduck - 2015-12-19 9:08 AM

Alfred E Newman...at your service Sir!
"Neuman" surely, Jeremy?Happy Christmas everyone!(Just marking the new Star Wars launch by popping briefly back to The Dark Side!)

Tony absolutely right - That's the problem of getting old... I went for a double and should have had a single ... story of my drinking life!
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Warm thanks from Mrs T, and me

For christmas wishes sent from thee


To one and all at this kind time

May all your future poems rhyme


The turkey's stuffed, and so are we

And that's before we even see


What Santa brings us, old and young

Perhaps we should have sent a 'bung'?


But I don't need no presents, me

I have my world with Mrs T


Health and pensions will do just fine

So we still have a right good time.


Now I am known for many crimes

The worst of which is awful rhymes


So don't just sit there feeling terse

Why not post one - even worse!






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